Bitter Old Men.

Sometimes I transform into a bitter old man.  It's mostly only when I'm around who we'll refer to as The Professor.  He's not a bitter old man either, but when we share one another's company, we both transform.  You can sense it, the bitter is almost palpable when conversation initiates.  It generally starts as a complaint about something simple, some general discontentment, which then grows into a spirited rant about some frustrating facet of our lives (and I must say, The Professor and I both have the capacity to generate some excellent and righteous rants).  From there, it has the potential to mutate into a malicious rage and a hatred for humanity.  Soon enough, however, one of us realizes what is happening and points out to the other that we've once again become bitter old men, and a slightly refreshed and relieved chuckle ensues.  So what does this have to do with coffee, you ask?  Coffee is bitter, and I certainly don't need any more bitterness in my life, lest I not be able to chuckle myself out of the next bitter-old-man rant-rage.

Don't drink coffee or you could irreversibly transform into a bitter old man.  And that should be especially frightening to you female coffee users.