a brief confession...

Ok, so I have consumed coffee in the past, though never regularly, and I will likely continue to occasionally consume it in the future. And this blog isn't just about why I don't drink coffee- it is more an excuse for me to ramble, give unwarranted advice, and talk about my running and adventures- but damnit, I'll take a cup of tea over coffee any day.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Bitter Old Men.

Sometimes I transform into a bitter old man.  It's mostly only when I'm around who we'll refer to as The Professor.  He's not a bitter old man either, but when we share one another's company, we both transform.  You can sense it, the bitter is almost palpable when conversation initiates.  It generally starts as a complaint about something simple, some general discontentment, which then grows into a spirited rant about some frustrating facet of our lives (and I must say, The Professor and I both have the capacity to generate some excellent and righteous rants).  From there, it has the potential to mutate into a malicious rage and a hatred for humanity.  Soon enough, however, one of us realizes what is happening and points out to the other that we've once again become bitter old men, and a slightly refreshed and relieved chuckle ensues.  So what does this have to do with coffee, you ask?  Coffee is bitter, and I certainly don't need any more bitterness in my life, lest I not be able to chuckle myself out of the next bitter-old-man rant-rage.

Don't drink coffee or you could irreversibly transform into a bitter old man.  And that should be especially frightening to you female coffee users.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Brief Post...

This one is extra short because I should be doing work right now, but I wanted to revisit a point from a previous post.  Coffee makes you poop.  This was made brutally apparent on my recent airport excursions between Buffalo and Phoenix, and more specifically by my inability to avoid using airport bathrooms.  I hate airport bathrooms for two reasons.  The first and least relevant reason is that they are used by hundreds of people from all over the country and the world, each of them carrying a unique cocktail of diseases that they spread over everything they touch.  And even if you're as crafty as I, you still always end up touching something in those bathroom-disease-pits.  The second and most relevant reason is that the men's bathroom is always filled (FILLED) with suit-coat wearing uptight businessmen that are unleashing stressed, angry, coffee-inspired toilet-catastrophes all around you.  It is just awful.  I'm sure that this is not the case in the lady's room because women obviously do not ever fart or poop. 

To the airline-veteran wearers of suit-coats: lay off the beanjuice when traveling for your own good and for the safety, sanctity and comfort of us all.

I think I probably use hyphens too much, but they are just so damn handy!